Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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