eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
