you win again, gameday.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
