Non-Jews are for practice
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
