Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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