Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
