i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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