"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Drake has all the answers
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
