took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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