the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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