watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
