I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
