just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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