how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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