there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did you pee in the oven last night??
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
