I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
