I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
