i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
