she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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