uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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