I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
