Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you inspire me to be a worse person
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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