Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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