call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
