I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
