your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
