he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
