maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
