pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
