I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
