I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
