are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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