It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
