I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There's always time for handjobs
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Pooping to opera.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
