ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
