Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
