Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
