who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
