Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
