come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
