Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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