Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Go christen that room with your naked body.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
