Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
