I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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