just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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