It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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