Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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