I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
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