I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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