Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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