i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
