If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
