I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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