Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
is it fun? or sober?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
