I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He felt like a one man threesome
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
