I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
