Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
