I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
