using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
