I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
