4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
