Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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