Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
