I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
