He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
