I just made out with a guy for $7.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Randomize
