Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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