I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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