just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Couch. On fire.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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