I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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